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I was attracted to his sensibilities and the ease with which he could be just as comfortable in his business suit as his biking gear. In early recovery, his affect was very abrupt, https://ecosoberhouse.com/ and his affection felt stiff. I began to doubt which Bill was authentic. Did the alcohol fuel his charm and affection? Was a sober Bill, a man with a very different personality?
He’s a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified Gottman therapist, and master trainer and holds national certifications as a master addiction counselor. He works with couples in recovery. He provides resources and support for couples who have been impacted by addiction and are now in recovery. So, I think his expertise is just incredible for the conversation we’re going to do today and probably for you if you’re listening to this podcast. Today we’re talking about how to make marriage work after you stopped drinking. And I’m incredibly excited about my guest, Dr. Rob Navarra.
Begin your journey to recovery.
Learning to feel emotions again, including positive feelings of love and intimacy, can be one of the most challenging parts of recovery, but also one of the most rewarding. The first few months of recovery from addiction are some of the most difficult. Insomnia, triggers, drug cravings, and the need to deal with emotions that were previously numbed with drugs make early recovery a period of enormous adjustment. I knew AA had a higher success rate ending marriages than it did keeping its members sober. I knew this early on and so I fought, determined not to become another statistic.
So, what we had here was a trigger to family of origin stuff that he was risking behavior, so to speak with his wife and his partner. And so, it wasn’t like she really did anything wrong, per se, marriage after sobriety but it was a trigger that had to be addressed. And once they understood that he got triggered and was it stonewalling, then the takeaway, the narrative is that you never want to talk to me.
Can Marriage Survive Sobriety—What It Looks Like in the Long Term
And this is very occasionally he’s like, what? Like when it happened, I’m like, yeah, in this way for years. I mean, I’ve had some of the women I work with say that they feel much more known and understood by their partner now than they ever did before.
But, this isn’t always the case at the beginning of recovery. Want to learn how to support yourself and your spouse during this time of change? Read on to discover our tips for sober spouses married to an addict in recovery. If a couple has used the tools to grow a healthy relationship, they could find themselves in a thriving marriage.
OUR DAY JOB
He, in fact, was who I wanted to be with for the long haul, I just couldn’t see that from within the stormy clouds of alcoholism. Running away from what caused mental and emotional pain — whether it be a dead-end job or a relationship at the crest of its honeymoon phase — was the only way I knew how to cope. When those factors take precedence, then you can more confidently support your spouse throughout their recovery. Start by getting in touch with your old hobbies. Contact friends and family members and make a commitment to spend quality time with them.
